Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Shopping day.


这标题可能让你看起来会觉得我很大方. 没事又去花钱.
一般上其他人都会认为 看她一副气质女孩的样子, 肯定是砸了很多钱买鞋子包包衣服首饰保养品之类的东西’.
没错, 本人的确是买了很多, 也不算多的东西(我从来就不认为我的东西很多但无疑的你可以否认XD因为真的挺多:P) 但我买的不可能会是以上所列的其中一样! 今天本姑娘买的都是食材.
最近也在最看着一部关于食材的动漫. 领悟到了很重要的道理.
我们不能没有食物阿!!!!!
最近本姑娘的美食细胞好像又再进化了. 三天不吃好料真的会死翘翘!?

大约是在一两年前, 发现自己好像是个吃货. 但现在证实了, 我是个名副其实的吃货!!! //事先声明, 还是挺重本的那款. 呵呵.
有福的人, 可以尝试本姑娘做的菜XD 虽然没有三星酒店但至少还能咀嚼~
我这个人除非有事情做, 否则再怎么激励的激励语, 否则还是不能早起 == //拜托, 本人也非常不愿意好不好!

今天早上做了个很奇怪的梦.
别想太多..不是王子抱公主之类的童话故事.
好吧, 我梦见了……vampire ==
这不是重点! 重点是….. 我是只vampire!!!! //靠北! 还要有党派的那种.
更重点的来了.
我可以很真实的感觉到当我把所谓吸血的那两颗牙齿深入别人脖子上, 血自然而然的被抽进吸血的那两颗牙’里中间的管道’! 他妈的真! 在我睁开眼睛的后的两秒我还能感觉得到!
老实说感觉还蛮奇怪的. 有点恶心, 也可以说是快感 == //你变态!

很晚才出门. 这几天都是些负面的消息. 飞机失踪, 多处水灾.
有位球队队友的家和父亲的店面都被毁了. 我们球队只能做的, 就只有捐款帮助.
其实, 念在自己还有点能力的份上. 我做了人生第一次的捐款. 数目, 对她而言, 也许只是麻雀之小. 但那可以算是我一次的油费了.
我不知道这样的做法对不对. 自己都没办法养活自己了, 却还跑去捐款.
不是处于同情, 只是觉得她可能真的很需要. 只希望这一点点的数额可以帮助她很多很多.
我非常了解当自己处于非常无助的时期却又没有人伸出援手的那种感觉. 重点还是身处国外的时候. 一点点的帮助也许对我们来就像沙尘. 所以, 选择自己吃点苦也不是件坏事. 因为, 那是变强的过程.
二话不说转账之后就出门了.

准备许久的信, 今天也终于送出去了. 我希望, 那个人, 可以好好利用那份幸运.

直奔熟悉的地方, Bandar utama. 逛到不想逛的地方.
拿着清单, 手推车里的东西都是我的动力.
再一个重点来了!
我既然可以在拿出清单确认缺了什么项目之前一样也不多拿了我已列下的材料!
//认识我的因该会觉得很神奇! XD
也很意外的, 今天超随便的服装竟然可以让我自己也觉得自己超sok, 哈哈! //头发完全没梳过的说 XD
前几天才做完了一份很煎熬的工作.
有人说哦是的很有气质的女生. //拨了拨头发. 呵呵呵
本人一直都不认为本人是属于那种类型的人. 有人也曾经对我说过类似这样的话. 感恩.

逛了很久. 终于, 找了家咖啡厅坐下来. 写写部落.
今天的心情, 意外的平静. 连我自己也觉得异常的意外. 而且还他妈的淑女. 很难想象呗..呵呵呵. 又很意外的, 我竟然可以喝下只是加了一包糖, 10ml 的糖浆的 Americano. 之后也不会觉得不舒服而且还觉得甜. 神奇中的神奇! 连我自己也不敢相信!! 

就这样过了一天.
新的一年对我来说没有什么. 也没什么好庆祝的.
数字只是一种自定的东西. 你认为是就是. 你觉得是就是.


本篇的不雅用词,完全不代表任何情绪上的起伏. 纯属让本篇变得更加感情化而已.
今天的心情, 真的很平, 很淡.

另外, 本人也终于在二零一四年的最后一天, officially get sick.

love tonight dress.
love blue.
and i'm blue.

Friday, 26 December 2014

我.

最近爱上周杰伦的'mine mine'.
原因只有一个, 我喜欢这种旋律的音乐.

接了份工作.
工作时间长为十二个小时. 十一个小时没休息的站着//连穿高跟.
有种很想把腿给砍下的欲望.
不值..

发现,
就算做回朋友, 基本上..我们...都没话聊.
就算有, 也会有话题结束的那一杀那.
三个月了..
我很想知道你过得好不好, 但我不希望得到的答复只有‘很好’这两个字.

那通电话, 确实是让人耿耿于怀.
但毕竟先提出要求的人是你..我选择尊重..尊重你..

会谈的..回过去的..我知道, 你是这么想..

我不知道该怎么顾及别人的感受, 尤其是这种状况.
我不知道该怎么珍惜.
要怪, 就必须怪
你自己
谁叫你看上了
谁叫你勇敢了
谁叫你踏出第一步了
又是谁,


叫你爱上了..



我.

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Gift or fate?

The very first time that so luckily I won a lucky draw prizes in my twenty years life.
Excited, appreciate, amazing, and wondering.
I was wondering the prizes I got.
I was wondering why.

Traders Hotel, Puteri Harbour, Johor, Malaysia by Shangri-La with compliments:
-A two adult tickets to Legoland Theme Park.
-Two days one night stay in a deluxe room with two buffet breakfast.

Fate? I just can't understand why it have to be Johor. Why don't they just get me a day overnight at Shangri-la Hotel at Putrajaya?
The story starts here, while having our 'last call' session, the management start doing their second lucky draw section. We were chatting our story again and again. Suddenly he do predict something after our topic relevant to a johor guy. 'Joan Miko' was called by the emcee. My reaction was just looks like a nerd like couldn't feel the tsunami is coming == and when my friend 'wake me up' and asked me to collect the prizes. That's really shoik me.
The very first time I become a lucky winner in my life.
But..
I have no idea is that a great Christmas gift for me, or..
it is a fate which asking me or giving me an answer..?




Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Baby's breath


A flower type, called baby's breath.
Its scientific name is Gypsophila.
Why it called baby's breath? Cause it's more heart-warming better you call it gypsophila.
Otherwise it becomes not romance at all. //based on research I found.
Yea. I don't know since when I... shouldn't say fall in love,
I fell warm and peace in looking at this flower and, gradually 'love' it.
I found that it can bring me silent, peace, and imagination. Just like stars.
They are tiny and also attractive in a pretty or endearing way.






























I wish.. Hopefully, someday, 
I can do this again, with my next partner. Not ex any more.










满足

一如反常,我们最总还是谈起这个问题.
一如往常,我的答案依然还是-除非,其中一人牵起了另一个女生的手.
实验证实了. 除非你牵起另一个女生的手. 我自然就会做我该做的本份.

除了自责,我不知道我还能为自己做些什么.

在打扫和清理一些瓶子, 发现当时我们喝剩下的红酒.
除了感情和酒精. 其他我都有办法克服解决.
10ml的红酒已经可以把我的头给痛死了.
我不讨厌喝酒, 可我很讨厌痛疼. 他妈的疼. 痛一次就想把脑袋给扎开一次.

我真的很喜欢打扫.
打扫房间, 打扫家里, 打扫厨房等等.
打扫之后, 感觉很清爽.
就像乱糟糟的东西被我整理清理地干干净净整整齐齐.
不知道是遗传了老妈什么样的德行. 就是喜欢亲力亲为.
可我就是不明白, 为什么人的思绪那么复杂那么凌乱.
整理了几个月几年了却还是整理不齐.

if you miss someone, just call him/her.
我又再尝试了.
满足了..
虽然只是短短不到一分钟的通话时间.
虽然没抱着期望对方会接我打的电话.
根本没想过有人会接通那个号码.
想了一堆有的没的好像电影场景里的对白.
他妈的一句也派不上用场. //撞墙
从来就没有想过被回复.

但已经很满足了.

接下来, 不多说.
眼泪会解释一切.
洗澡. 睡觉去.





有时候很想告诉爸妈,
爸, 我遇过很多男生. 不管是喜欢的, 还是朋友的, 都对我很好.
对我好的知己, 都会帮助我照料我鼓励我协助我.
喜欢我的, 都愿意被我挨被我唠叨被我欺负. 可'他'们很疼我, 都很呵护我都很关心我.
妈, 你总是唠叨要睁大眼睛看男人.
要找个疼你有本事有学问有能力的男人当老公.
不要当衣服穿了就丢, 找就要找在一起之后就能女嫁出去的.
这个人, 我遇到了.
但, 我傻到不要他.
接下来的他, 对我很好. 不会欺负我. 很醒目. 很能干. 很疼我. 总是舍得让我花. 在课业上帮助我很多很多.
再来的那个他, 妈你很喜欢. 因为他柔柔的, 很像韩国人. 又会做饭. 道理一堆堆. 和爸一样. 总是会都你们老人家笑.

我知道, 现在还在念书. 应该专心课业. 以后还有很多机会. 接触不同的社会场合可以认识更好的人. 可是我真的不希望错过. 

珍惜身边的人.
我该如何珍惜?


Saturday, 20 December 2014

A place. No one knows me.

Indeed, imma bitch. Obviously I am. Don't ask why. 

Everyone is special for me. I'm glad I did something that you've been looking for so long since you're so special for me. Should be happy. Cause I'm the only one can do that. 

What you gonna ask for my specialities. I would include this-hurting someone. I guess no need definition or examples unless you wanna figure it out how is it. 

I'm really sick of these stuffs. Maybe someone is right. I'm not ready yet. Or should say, I haven't let go, forget yet. 

Joan, YOU'RE REALLY A BITCH! 

Sick of crying, sick of being mad. 
'If you miss Someone, just call him'
Can I say what the fuck is this theory? 
Sense of logic please, in this case we need to depends on situation as well. There are many uncertainty you have to concern about before you make the call. He/she have a girlfriend/boyfriend dy? Will he/she willing to pick up my phone? You can't even know whether people are willing to answer you. People are cleaning relationship with you and you're now trying to interrupt again? Come on. Wake up please. You just like putting a shit into your mouth. 

Yea, I can blame on no one. What I have today, thank you for my not preserve enough. Greedy bitch. What you have is created by your own. 


Friday, 19 December 2014

I'm so sick of ..

I'm so sick of studying..
I'm so sick of reading those alien English books..
I'm so sick of entertaining peoples..
I'm so sick of falling in love..
I'm so sick of my weakness..
I'm so sick of my laziness..
I'm so sick of maintaining a good relationship..
I'm so sick of working..
I'm so sick of lacking money..
I'm so sick of the society..
I'm so sick of love songs..
I'm so sick of being a human..
I'm so sick of being a women..
I'm so sick of living..
I'm so sick of being love..
I'm so sick of doing everything..
I'm so sick of being myself..
I'm so sick of the world..

EVERYTHING

I found that, I love to do houseworks no matter what. I just love that without any reason. I do enjoy doing all housework stuffs. When I'm mad, was some dishes and throw the garbage bag could make me feel better. I have no idea why. When I'm emo, tidy up my wardrobe, messy stuffs, sweat for a moment. And feel great. Not great, just better.


Who am I? I do always ask to myself.
What do you want Joan? I do always questioning myself.
How are you Joan? The answer will always be 'Yea, I'm fine. At least not that worst.'
Do you miss him? 'No. I miss all of them.' Yea, such a bitch.
Gradually, I can't set my mind clearly. 'No, you never been cleared with yourself before.'








Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Don't ever try to make me do so.

Well, it's been a long long time. Now, words start.
Too much to write, to much to say.

Firstly, I would like to reply a 'blog' to someone else.

Few months after, I have really no idea what's going for both of us. You are thinking in your ways and I am thinking in mine. You are trying to understand my words and I am trying to figure out your mind, what are you suffering what are you trying to speak. Indeed, I know all about these. As I said and you knew, do not speak doesn't mean we don't know. I am lack of vocabulary to describe all my sucks feelings. That's why i told you, if there is a machine that can help human living convert or transfer their feelings to another, I would like to be the first volunteer and glad to be experimented.
You can blame on me. I do always hope you can do so cause I'm sick with myself too. What have you done, I really appreciate. Maybe the way I express 'doesn't meet your expectation' that's why you're not satisfied with it and mad on I'm not appreciating. Quan, I knew it. I saw it. I can feel it. Perhaps, I am not that kind of girl will do those what is in your expectation expressions. You says you know me. Very well, or maybe not. Whatever.

Next, what have I planned, if it not the finalise, for sure I have my own considerations. Do not let your convenience become other's troublesome. I'm apologising about that day outing, actually I doesn't hope to apologise. I became mad after reading your words as well. That event or some kind of fair I can say is not really big. 5-10 minutes you can finish all. Due to distances, transportation and your time consideration, I really thinking that it is not necessary to come for such 'event'. And, I did said something that not really sounds nice to you. I admit that. Cause I know if I don't do so, you will self create many fuking questions and emo-ing there. My dear, I have no idea why our relationship become like this. Mess of shit.

Last, I never giving up on you. I really think that maybe you still can't get what you mean to me that's why you feels like I am annoying for you.
I want a friendship like
-not always bull shitting. Few times.
-can start with a silly topic and could be end up suddenly. If you really can't accept that. I'm sorry.
-we can date each other for sure. but, you have to know not always you and me only two of us. If really do so, that is a outing that PLANNED to ONLY WITH YOU.
-we can share and intro our friends. I always hope so. It doesn't mean who you or I brought is what what what. Get?
-we can do silly things. Of course, I am kinda weird human. Loves being alone so much. Silent suddenly no matter in what moment.
-i love you in terms of brother, friend. you're important, but, hubby the first. you knew it.

You know what, every time the first person I think of to drink a cup of wine, is you. I just don't know why. The only reason I can list is, you can help me finish up all? Yea.

I'm not that strong as you thought. I'm really not. Maybe just like others said, macam yes tapi bukan. I don't know why you always say so. But I really feel I'm not independent, strong enough. Girls nowadays are independent and strong and tough enough. I just have a shield that given by many. What am I? Noting. Gradually, I can feel what I've done, it's really light like dust. What I've try, useless. Can't feel my works. But you're different.

I told you. I have multiple-personalities. When I say so, trust me. It is 'really multiple' as you can't imagine. If you know me, just leave me. If you don't, left me.

I know we can argue whatever we want as long as we have the different perspectives in so many things. I do enjoy that. Friend, no need to explain too much.